The Brixton Bustle

Performance art:

1. Carried a fiberglass mold of a bizarrely shaped yet unmistakably female 2.5 miles down a higway posing with it as waves of traffic passed. The mold is of a nude woman and has the makings of breasts, but there's nothing pornographic about it. Delivered a broken (the mold was heavy [had to breathe]) but running monologue based on the Monty Python skit about rappelling down the street. No innocents were harmed during the performance that took place during a school day. Some of the passing people may have had disquieted reactions though.

2. Walked around at night playing my bass guitar and singing. The guitar has reflectors on it. The reflectors are, of course, to keep from getting run over in the dark. The project was a success. That may have been disappointing to any who hope for your author's demise).

3. I cut up stacks of magazines, saving all of the flesh and eyes in the photographs. Making very large collage and leaving it outside in view of traffic after every five hours put into it. Soon to begin overlapping all the seams with cut out slivers of sentences and paragraphs in the shape of a large tree. Ever so slightly lewd, but very eye catching.

4. Drew a piece of pen and pencil art in a notebook I found on the steps of Peabody Hall on campus at our university. The notebook said Class of 2011. Maybe I shouldn't have done that, considering my graduate status. I just couldn't help myself. I signed it SQRB.

5. Read from Petite Madam, by Andre Lichtenberger, in French, until reaching the sexiest chapter (which is to say the most boring chapter). Read from a Spanish book of poetry, which I am much more fluent in (and felt violated), then attempted to switch back to French. Read from a lasciviously dull Italian work. By that time every third word was fairly hilarious. Nobody caught the sexy part, including myself.

6. [Very old] Fake coconut milk: Took one gag unsealed aluminum can. Filled it with camel milk. Added one teaspoon of coconut extract. Sealed the lid and labeled Coconut Milk. Waited for the reaction when virgin piña coladas had that extra little something. Made sure in advance nobody involved was lactose intolerant or allergic to camel milk.