Cringe Fer-Foremen's-Isms

  1. Office worker wants to be friends with everyone. Catches other employees whene they leave their offices or cubicles for the express purpose of starting up conversations with them. Inquires about after work get-togethers. When given reasons (excuses) why such engagements won't work, does not take hint and attempts to reschedule the get-together to fit the coworker's life itinerary. Gets genuinely hurt feelings if told the other employee just doesn't want to mingle. Files petty complaints about such workers. Has been with the company over a decade, never gets dismissed by upper management over the antics.

  2. Carpenter cops an attitude about wearing safety goggles and following safety guidelines, because OSHA never meant anything "in the old days." Goes to the portable facilities regularly, for extended periods of time. Talks very quickly and excitedly after bathroom visits. Misses the backing studs with the nail gun repeatedly, resulting in 6 nails per juncture. Gets taken off normal carpentry duty to cut rafters. Cuts thumb off when the skilsaw kicks back on a curve. Sues the builder.

  3. Employee shows up for first day. Work history paints the individual a skilled cook. Worker always cuts toward himself. Pulls off hair net and combs long hair constantly, over the salads. Professes proficiency with commercial fryers, opens valve to change oil without a catch basin, while the oil is 375°. Knocks over a waiter carrying $175 worth of entrees for the mayor and his family. Gets a pay raise, over the objections of the head chef and everyone else in the kitchen, because blood is thicker than water. Good to have the right uncle, eh?

  4. Librarian who hates the job. Does not care about getting fired, so is constantly sarcastic, rude, and sometimes even nasty, to patrons. Puts folded up Playboy/Playgirl centerfolds in YA books favored by teenagers, to upset parents. Finds reasons to make lots of noise while the place is very quiet. Passes gas in elevator on purpose while it's crowded. Returns books to wrong places in shelves. The big boss thinks the employee is a laugh riot and takes the negativity as humorous, dismisses complaints about job performance. Being unable to get fired makes the individual even more unbearable, and the shift supervisor lapses into apopleptic episodes, which eventually causes the nice, honorable supervisor to be rushed to the hospital, have a sagging face for life, talk funny, suffer ridicule by teenagers looking at dirty pictures, sound moronic for not being able to explain why no books can be found in their proper locations, and commit seppaku by attempting to read everything ever written by Jozef Ignacy Kraszewski while drinking seven gallons of Creme de Menthe and swallowing phenobarbitol by the handful for nine consecutive days, with only caffeine to offset the lethal combination.

Grin ear and the smith learn of loss.
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Related written works at Angelfire, Sex Symbols, Cymbals of Silence.Repent or Die